Tuesday, May 20th 2025: Final Days Before Comifuro

I'm writing this to get my mind off things and focus on what I'm feeling right now. I feel anxious. I'm scared I'm going to mess up, lose items, get sick, or become a burden to my boothmates.

Hey guys welcome back to my youtube channel today I'll be unboxing photocards I got from my manufacturer. Nice! Let's get this on to a plate. Here's what it looks like! the Elliott and Leah I drew more than a year ago but I've been in a drawing slump so that any good art I'll turn into freebies :3

Yesterday I was spiralling thinking about the con, and I thought it was because of the coffee I had in the morning. Y'know. It makes anxiety worse but I love coffee so much I need it in my life. Anyways. I didn't drink coffee this morning and YET I am still dreading the day. Is it a fear of failure? fear of getting sick? fear of being a burden and then becoming ostracized by my new friend group? I wish there was an easy fix for it. I wish I could be just excited without all the nerves creeping up.

Woah check this out. [Hiss] Nice hiss. I've been making my own freebies using DIY methods and buying some cheap materials to get by. My printer's run out of ink so I'm glad I got most of the things out of the way before it stopped printing!!

Sometimes I fear that I'm never enough. Never good enough to write, never good enough at drawing, never good enough at marketing myself or putting myself out there. I'm just... existing. I look at others with envy, followed by sadness at myself. I don't have the worst self-esteem but I do think I'm mediocre at the things I'm passionate about. I feel like I can't aspire to be a talented and popular artist, so I make do with being a scrappy, DIY, starving artist. It keeps me humble but at the same time that habit and mindset is holding me back. I don't allow myself to set high goals because... I feel undeserving of it? Almost? I have visions of grandeur in my daydreams but that's about it. I think my inner 14 year-old depressed emo kid is still lingering around. She's never left me to begin with. I don't know which parts of my goals are affected by this subtle self-loathing and which parts are affected by my idealism and rose-tinted glasses. I don't need to make money now, but one day I'll have to go out and get a job. That's new. That's scary.

That's it for today guys I hope you enjoyed this video, don't forget to hit that like and subscribe button and I'll see you in the next one! Have a great day.