complex feelings complicate
when spoken in the same pattern as the poem, "complex" is pronounced as a noun (e.g. a persecution complex, a martyr complex)
rip a hole out from my throat
visceral imagery coupled by the fact most of the references to illness point to GERD, something that can erode your throat lining if not treated
break my fingers at the joints
introduce a brand new growth
just to make a salient point
acting on spite
dirty laundry’s all to see
literally dysfunction, metaphorically airing out dirty laundry for the sake of art, to seem more vulnerable and "real"
soaking hands until it prunes
makes the meaning of the previous line literal
self-destructive tendencies
righteous purpose gone askew
bloodied tears that never dries
describing blood, (sweat), and tears as an art medium that's consistently worked on
visionary from my dreams
a mythical, dream-like figure that is unattainable
on this canvas I will lie
as they fight to keep it clean
framing the act as self-righteous and nonconformist
about this poem
i once vented to a friend that i felt like i was going nowhere in my life because i felt strongly about my starving artist persona. i am a staunch idealist and i would accept nothing less; but it is hindering my self-exploration and potential for growth. the constant self-flagellation comes strongest when i'm having a sudden influx of energy and determination. i don't push myself outwards but rather constantly contemplate inwards. that is my mortal sin.
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