feelings adrift as they follow the moon
imagery of the ocean tides, also refers to a menstrual cycle dictating mood swings
pacified methods preventing my gloom
struggles dissected by
tip of a blade
the act of therapy and exposing oneself akin to being cut open, introducing imagery of an operating table
praying my heart out for desperate aid
tears that are placed on
a small petri dish
pushing an imagery of medical intervention and a lab
given a corner to call my own niche
listened to me as
I lied down and lied
initial denial phase in therapy, or can be read as lying by using the stereotypical "correct" answers to get the desired outcome out of therapy
taking myself as the need to rely
the first step to fixing a problem is accepting you have one
bright lights fluoresce off the sterile white walls
the hospital imagery becomes explicit
I've little to prove, if any at all
lacking the power to regain the drive
hoping they've got the keys letting me thrive
for vials of angst I rip myself bare
repeating imagery of lab tests in parallel to therapy
for nobody knows I'm barely there
pouring my heart out at meek observation
the 10 syllable pattern is broken with this 11 syllable pattern and will continue as the pace speeds up
only to end up as
bad reputation
stigma relating to antidepressants
pages and pages of dull information
I wish that I could be just a bit brazen
constant the heartaches from wasted potential
while I deny myself something essential
about this poem
i've struggled with depression and anxiety since middle school, back then i was undiagnosed and didn't recieve the help i needed until in my late teens. when i did recieve (thankfully, very good) psychiatric care i am always torn about the fact that i rely not-to-subtly on medicine to function. before being on SSRIs, i've tried talk therapy and CBT but neither could tackle my core issues (that being crippling anxiety). so this back-and-forth dilemma about relying on medicine alongside my belief that psychiatric institutions ought to be scrutinized is... hard to deal with, to say the least
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